Golf: More Dangerous Than Hockey

Sports injuries are never funny, period. Not even when they happen to players you root against. Or when a seven-time all star throws out his back while sneezing. Or when a player falls and breaks his collarbone while carrying a large gift package of deer meat. Or when a kicker jumps up and down wildly after making a game-winning field goal and tears his ACL. None of these things are funny, and if you laugh at them, you are literally Hitler.

The same goes for the recent injury to St. Louis Blues defenseman Erik Johnson, who managed to play 69 NHL games last year without a significant injury, but this week tore his ACL and MCL in a truly unfortunate way:

Johnson was injured last week on a team bonding trip at the Lake of the Ozarks. According to the team and Johnson, he was stepping out of a golf cart when he got his foot caught between the accelerator and the brake, injuring his right knee.

This really, really sucks, and probably doesn’t belong in the “dumb sports injuries” category because it was inadvertent and different than, say, a quarterback celebrating a touchdown by slamming his head into a wall and injuring his neck.

But, as an artiste (dude who finds dumb crap on the internet), I must admire the sadistic irony of an individual paid to play a sport that involves constant hitting, legal fighting, wooden sticks with curved blades, and projectiles flying around at speeds nearing 100 MPH who ends up injuring himself while stepping out of a f*cking GOLF CART. Not crashing a golf cart. Not getting hit by a golf cart. Calmly stepping out of a golf cart. I still can’t get over it.

I’m definitely one sports-injury post away from karma-ing myself into a severe blogging keyboard injury. More happy animal posts to come.